by Anonymous, edited by Alexandra Furgiuele
I was sexually abused most of my childhood and when delivery approached I had no idea how many specific re-traumatization that would occur. From legs up the whole time to random staff people wondering in and out of the delivery and postpartum rooms. Not introducing themselves and touching me. I had plans for a natural birth but about 20 hours later with almost hourly “baby checks” and touching my vagina without explaining why and what they were doing I really could not do it. I cried throughout the experience. No one asked me why or what was going on. It was the hardest experience. I really, really shut down about the connection between myself and my child after that.
My second child I had at a birth center in a relaxed and loving environment full of caring and compassionate people and became a doula because I know that I can educate myself now and not have women especially women with trauma have these awful, life changing experiences.